Just because I know you in person—whether it be through a friend-of-a-friend, your dating one of my friends or maybe you and I even fucked a few times—that doesn’t necessarily mean I wanna be your “friend” on Facebook.

No, I don’t think I’m being a prick by saying that. Truth is, not many people like what I have to say and that’s understandable. Brilliant and radical ideas that have changed the world for the better were always initially seen as blasphemy.

Listen, I’m just saving you the trouble of explaining to your tree-hugging free-love commie pinko friends why you’re associated with such am openly bigoted, racist, fascist, homophobic, heteronormative sexist/misogynist.

I’m thinking of your fucking reputation here, whereas you have put absolutely no thought into mine. What makes you think I even wanna be associated with you in the first place? I’d hate to lose my reputation as an asshole by suddenly having hundreds of friends on Facebook.

Perhaps I should try being ruder when I’m being introduced to new people in order to avoid this annoyance forever.